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Post by greendayjewels on May 24, 2012 0:12:57 GMT -5
Sometimes you just have to lose everything to gain everything. Will Billie Joe Armstrong find this out or everything just slip through his fingers?
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Post by greendayjewels on May 24, 2012 0:13:54 GMT -5
Prologue: Tickets! I love Tickets!
I was on the phone talking to my mother. My mother that’s a hard thing for me. You see I have lived with my Aunt my entire life, and at the age of 25 I was still living with her but she lived alone so it wasn’t too bad. My Aunt Karla has always been the mother figure in my life. My biological mother lived in Oakland, California which had to be much better than living in bum fucked Egypt Missouri.
“JULIET, are you going to answer me?” My mother asked me. I was beyond pissed. I stared at my framed poster of Green Day above my bed looking directly at Billie Joe. Billie Joe Armstrong, I don’t know what it was about him but something about him always calmed me down, whether it was on television or a picture just looking at him rawr.
“Don’t call me Juliet! I don’t like it. Its either Jewels or Jay.” I said “I really have no clue what you just said to me. I wasn’t paying attention.” I heard an exasperated sigh come over the line. “Sorry!” I said sarcastically. If you can’t tell I don’t get along with her too well.
“I SAID that I wanted you to come out to California so I can get to know you.” She made it sound more like a demand than a request.
“WHAT? You want me to come all the way to California so I can meet my mother who left me for 25 years!” I said this loudly as I walked down the long hallway that connected to the living room. My Aunt Karla looked up from the book that she was reading, probably a romance novel, as I flopped onto the couch beside her. She silently handed me a package addressed to me and glanced at the phone at my ear. I took it and saw it was from my mother, who I was currently arguing with.
“What you got me a present? Trying to buy my love too?” I asked ripping it open. When I saw the contents I about had a heart attack. I dropped the papers that had been inside. I felt giddy inside.
“Are you serious? GREEN DAY TICKETS!” I yelled causing my aunt to cover her ears.
“Karla told me you liked them. The concert is in St. Louis. You can take a friend, I got you two tickets so you didn’t have to go alone. I also got you a hotel room paid for. So you just have to have fun.” I sighed and looked at my aunt knowing what I had to do now.
“Fine, I’ll come out but only for a week, after that I’m gone. That’s the best I can do, and thanks for the tickets, Mom.” I had to force myself to say that last word. I rolled my eyes at my aunt who just shook her head. I got off the phone with my ‘mother’ not long afterward.
“So you gonna call Emilou?” Aunt Karla asked smiling. I was already way ahead of her punching in the familiar numbers. I waited for my cousin to pick up. I didn’t even wait for her to say hello.
“EMI! You’re not going to believe this. I have tickets.” I said trying to control my breathing.
“TICKETS…..I love tickets.” Emi said. I laughed and rolled my eyes before continuing.
“Not just any tickets. I have tickets to the next Green Day concert to be exact.” I pulled the phone away from my ear and waited, counting the seconds off on my hand. ‘5.…4.…3.…2.…1’.
“GREEN DAY! OH MY GOD!” She exploded. She got quiet quickly. I put the phone back up to my ear thinking it was safe. I could hear her trying to breathe. I then heard her ask. “How’d you get them?”
“My mother in Cali. So you better get some stuff together, we have a concert to go to Friday. Its in St. Louis.” Emi squealed once more before I heard her slam the phone down. I laughed knowing that waiting for four days was going to be difficult but it would definitely be worth the wait.
I walked back down the hall way to my room. Opening and shutting the door I laid on my bed on my stomach and looked at my poster of my beloved punk band. ~I finally get to go to a concert. I’ve been waiting forever. This is gonna be great.~ I laid my head down and slowly fell asleep, dreaming of Friday.
Little did I know that this one trip would lead to a life changing experience….
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Post by greendayjewels on May 24, 2012 0:14:24 GMT -5
Chapter One: Slow Week
“I’m so bored Emi!” I was in my living room sprawled out on the floor. Emi was sprawled out on the couch looking just as bored. I sighed loudly.
“I know me too, cuz! There’s nothing to do in this shit hole town.” Emi looked at me before she got up and popped the ‘American Idiot’ CD into the CD player. I flipped over onto my back as the chords of ‘American Idiot’ blared through the speakers, I closed my eyes and listened as Billie Joe’s soothing voice began singing. Soon I would be able to hear that beautiful voice in person. I really hope that I don’t sound like a teenie or a stalker. Well I guess a stalker wouldn’t be too bad but a teenie come on.
“Jesus, I can’t wait two more days. I wanna go now!” I heard Emi whine. I opened my eyes and moved my head to where I could see her.
“Are you whining? The Emilou that I know and love does not whine!” She flicked me off before speaking.
“Fuck off Jewels!” I laughed getting up from my position on the floor. “Well, I don’t know about you be-yatch but I’m gonna see if we have food in this hell hole.” I walked into the kitchen hearing Emi close behind me.
I rummaged through all the cabinets not finding any food we could eat. I looked up at Emi in horror. “OH MY GOD, WE DON’T HAVE FOOD! WE’RE GONNA STARVE!” I yelled.
“I can feel my stomach shriveling into nothing, Ahhhh.” I grabbed the counter and pretended to struggle. “Help Emi, I’m dying.” I collapsed on the floor just as my Aunt walked in. Emi who had been laughing the whole time just laughed harder at the look on my Aunts face.
“Oh for Christ’s sake Jay get off of the floor!” Aunt Karla said sending Emi into another fit of laughter. I think she lives off me getting into trouble. I jumped up quickly adjusting my clothes and grinned at her sheepishly.
“Sorry!” I made a face at Emi. She shook her head at me and helped put away the groceries my Aunt had brought in with her that I had failed to notice. “FOOD!” I yelled, “Food, food, food, food, food….” I started chanting. Eh, I know I act immature but that’s how I have my fun.
“Ummm….Jewels….are you sure you don’t like Tre because you really act like him.” I stopped chanting immediately at her comment. I stuck my tongue out at her. “See point made.”
“NO….Billie is my one true love.” I said with a smile trying to keep from laughing. My Aunt just shook her head and looked toward the ceiling like she was saying ‘God, why me!’ I giggled at her look.
After the groceries were unpacked and/or put away I began making dinner.
“What are you making?” Emi asked me with a cautious look on her face she always gets when I cook.
“TACO SALADS!” I yelled. “Why?”
“Just wondering.” She sat down at the island. I glared at her playfully and began making the taco salads. They were simple, easy and apparently very messy. I was in the middle of cooking, while Emi watched with an amused look on her face, I soon found out why when Aunt Karla came into the kitchen.
“OH MY GOD! Jay what have you done to my kitchen?” She shrieked. I looked around and saw what her problem was. I had food and boxes spread out everywhere all over the counters. Half the shit I didn’t even need. I even had some ingredients on the floor. I looked over at Emi and shrugged.
“You should know by now to never leave me in the kitchen by myself.” Aunt Karla pointed to Emi still unable to talk. “And Emi don’t count she can barely cook either.”
“HEY! That’s mean.” Emi said pretending to be hurt. I just looked at her. “Fine I give, but only because your family.”
“See Auntie Karla just can’t do it.” I tried looking innocent but failed miserably when Emi went into a fit of laughter she had been trying to hold in. “I’ll clean it up. Promise. After we eat. I swear.” Aunt Karla left shaking her head. I looked back to Emi.
“I’m gonna regret that later aren’t I?” She finally stopped laughing.
“Yep.” She went into a fit of laughter again.
“Oh, come on Emi it wasn’t that funny.” I said turning back to cooking the taco meat. It didn’t take me much longer to finish the salads. I handed one to Emi, who eyed it suspiciously.
“I didn’t spit in it if that’s what your thinking.” I sat down next to her and began eating.
“I do now. Thanks.” Emi leaned in and sniffed it before cautiously taking a bite. I rolled my eyes at her.
“See told you. Jeez, no trust. I see how it is. Man.” I said. It didn’t take me too long to finish eating. I looked around at the kitchen and I immediately regretted promising Aunt Karla I would clean up tonight. I groaned loudly making Emi laugh once more.
“Regretting it huh?” She asked handing me her now empty plate.
“Yep.” was my only answer.
“Well, Jewels. I gotta get home. I’ve got work in the morning.” She said getting of the stool and walking out of the kitchen her indigo hair swaying a little bit. I scowled at her.
“TRAITOR!” I yelled toward the living room. The only answer I received was laughter and the front door closing.
~Oh, I’ll get her.~ I thought smiling stupidly as I tried to come up with a plan. ~I’m also an idiot.~ I jumped startled out of my thoughts by a hand on my shoulder. I turned around quickly only to find Aunt Karla standing there.
“Don’t do that! You know I scare easily.” I said looking at her intently. “What?”
“Want help?” All I did was smile in relief and shook my head.
“Always, I always need help.” I said looking at her once more. “In more than one way.” I giggled at her reaction. It didn’t take the two of us long to finish the cleaning and pretty soon the kitchen was sparkling.
I went to bed early for me anyway which was 9:30 I usually didn’t go to bed until 12:00 or 1:00 am but there was nothing else to do. I slept once again dreaming of Friday.
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Post by greendayjewels on May 24, 2012 0:14:57 GMT -5
Chapter two: Ending Arguments
“WHAT?” I yelled back at my wife. I couldn’t believe we were arguing again. It never seemed to end. I don’t even know what started it this time. Every time I came home it was worse.
“I CAN’T STAND THIS! I’M ALWAYS ALONE! I ONLY HAVE THE KIDS FOR COMPANY. I NEED MY HUSBAND BUT I CAN’T BECAUSE HE’S ALWAYS FUCKING GONE!” She yelled at me. I glanced toward the stairs hoping the boys couldn’t hear this argument.
“YOU KNEW WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE WHEN WE GOT MARRIED. I’M A MUSICIAN; I HAVE TO TRAVEL ITS PART OF MY JOB.” I yelled trying to make her understand once again.
“SO YOU ALWAYS PICK YOUR CAREER AND YOUR FUCKING FRIENDS OVER YOUR FAMILY.” With that she turned and stomped farther into the living room. I followed close behind her. She suddenly whirled around on me, but before I could say anything I cut her off.
“WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO? QUIT MY BAND? QUIT SOMETHING THAT’S MY LIFE?” I pleaded with her.
“NO Billie, I want a divorce!” She said quietly. At that moment my world crashed down around me. My everything was leaving me.
“Why? Why can’t we fix this? Don’t you want to try and fix this?” I was desperate.
“I’ve TRIED! I tried so hard, Billie. I just…..I just don’t love you anymore.” She looked tired at that moment. “I haven’t been in love with you for awhile now.”
“So you’re just going to let fifteen years of marriage go down the drain? I love you Adie why can’t you see that?” I dropped to my knees in front of her and wrapped my arms around her waist.
“I’m sorry Billie! I’ll always love you but I just can’t be with you. I….I…I found someone else.” She said not looking at me but stared at the wall behind me. My heart officially broke with the words she had just spoken.
“You did what?” I looked up at her with tears in my eyes. I’m sure she was ripping my heart out and stomping on it with all of her might.
“I found someone else. I didn’t plan it but I fell in love with him.” She said still not looking at me. I stood up letting her go. I couldn’t believe she was leaving. It was hard for me to grasp.
“Do I know him?” I asked knowing if I did I would kill the bastard for taking my wife from me.
“No, you don’t know him.” She stated looking me in the eye where I could tell she was telling me the truth.
“So you cheated on me?” I asked beginning to get angry despite my broken heart. I can’t believe that she cheated.
“NO! I would never do that to you. We are just friends but want to be more. He knows that I’m still married and he’s going through a divorce. I may not be in love with you anymore but I would never, NEVER cheat on you.” She sighed, “He makes me happy, Billie. I’m not happy with you anymore. Even the boys have noticed that I’m not happy.” Mentioning the boys brought another thing to my attention.
“What about the boys? Are you gonna take Jake and Joey from me too?” Adrienne looked at me in shock and automatically shook her head.
“I’ll be taking them with me but you’ll be able to see them anytime you want. I would never keep them away from you, you’re their father.” I let out a breath that I didn’t realize I was holding. I still had my boys. Thank god.
“I’m not going to fight for anything. I definitely won’t fight for custody, we’ll share that.” She said looking at me with tears in her eyes. Like all of this was hurting her too. “I just want to have everything that is mine.” I shook my head in agreement with that, that I could live with, for the most part. I walked over and sat on the couch, my hands and my voice shaking.
“We’re really doing this then aren’t we?” I asked in a whisper, hoping that this was just a dream. But tonight it seemed that god was not on my side.
“Yeah, Billie. We are.” She said. We both turned to the stairs when we heard footsteps at the bottom of the stairs. We turned to see Joey holding Jake’s hand standing there.
“You guys are really getting a divorce?” Joey asked sound chocked up. I looked at Adrienne for the answer.
“Yes, Joey we are.” Her words to our children made it final. There was no going back, there was no trying again. No where else for me go, nothing else for me to do. My world was over. “You’ll be able to see you’re dad as much as you want, whenever you want.”
I silently thanked Adrienne for being go good to me despite the circumstances. Joey still had Jake by the hand. Jake had silent tears falling down his face. I motioned for him to come over. He let go of Joey and practically ran to me.
“I don’t wanna go daddy!” He cried. This made my tears come back full force. I always hated it when my children cried and now it was something I couldn’t help. I held my little boy and cried with him. I didn’t care. I was losing everything.
“I know buddy, I don’t want either of you to go but you need to stay with your mother and take care of her for me, since I can’t do it myself anymore. Both of you.” I looked at Joey, he came over and hugged me also and cried along with Jake. What would I ever do without my kids?
The boys went back upstairs not to long after. Adrienne and I just looked at each other, for how long I don’t know. I had stopped crying earlier but they came back as I looked at her. “Adrienne I know you already said this but I want you to promise me that you will never take my boys away from me. I want you to promise me that. If it’s the last thing you do. Please.”
I know I sounded like I was begging but I didn’t care it was for my kids. I would do anything for them. Adrienne looked at me for a few minutes before nodding.
“Yes, I promise to never take them from you, ever. Now I’m going to go upstairs and sleep in the guestroom.” She said standing up. I shook my head knowing that there was no sense in arguing with her about it at this point. She started to walk away but I grabbed her hand stopping her.
“Adie….can I have one last kiss? Just one?” she looked at me for a few minutes before coming back to me and leaning in pressing her lips to mine. She pulled away too quickly for me but I let go.
“You’ll find someone Billie. You’re Billie Joe Armstrong. You’re handsome, smart, loving, caring, and on top of that you’re a hopeless romantic. Any girl would be lucky to have a man like you. I’m sorry that, that lucky woman is no longer me but maybe it was supposed to be this way.” She kissed me once more before turning away and leaving the room, leaving me by myself in a very quiet house.
I had come home a week ago a happy man. I was leaving tomorrow feeling like I had lost everything. The love of my life was walking out of my life and taking my children with her. I was lost; I didn’t know exactly what to do. I walked slowly up to my room, not our room, my room. Lying down on the bed I fell asleep exhausted emotionally and physically, hoping that I would wake up in the morning and find that all this was a dream. But that I found was not meant to be.
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Post by greendayjewels on May 24, 2012 0:15:53 GMT -5
Chapter 3: Scattered Memories
I woke up the next morning with a stuffy nose and a headache, I flipped over on my back and kicked off my blankets. Lying there I listened to the silence to the silence surrounding me. I sat up suddenly dreading that I hadn’t been dreaming. Adie left me. I slowly got up and strained to hear anything. I was met with silence. I couldn’t hear the boys running around screaming and yelling at each other. I couldn’t hear Adie in the kitchen fixing breakfast. I closed my eyes and slowly opened them back up and got off the bed and walked over to the closet. I opened it in what felt like slow motion to find that all of Adie’s clothes were gone. I ran through the rest of the room checking the dresser and the bathroom. All of her stuff was gone. I left my room and practically ran down to Jake’s room, empty. I ran to Joey’s room, empty as well. She had left and taken my boys without saying good-bye. Fuck.
I slid down the wall across from Joeys room and put my head in my hands and started crying. I couldn’t believe that she actually left, she had threatened many times before but nothing had ever happened. I said she never would and now I had to eat my words. I had to force myself to get up and look around and go downstairs. I don’t know how I’m going to take this huge house being quiet. I walked through the living room and sat on the couch gazing into space until I noticed an object on the coffee table. I picked it up watching a note fall from it. I looked at the book realizing it was a photo album before I reached down and picked up the note. It was in Adie’s handwriting.
Billie, I’m sorry that it had to happen this way. I just hope that one day you will be able to forgive me. I’m giving the photo album to you . All of our pictures. Keep all our memories safe. Please keep this. Like I said last night you’ll find a great girl for you one day. Don’t forget that I do still love you. Never forget. Adie.
I crumpled the note up in anger and threw it across the room not paying attention to where it landed. I grabbed the album up and hurried up to my bedroom. Alone I sat on the floor next to the bed and began looking through the pictures. Pictures of Adie and I at our wedding, baby pictures of Jake and Joey, birthday, anniversaries and barbeques, everything good about our marriage. I didn’t notice that I was crying, or that I now had all the pictures out of the album and scattered on the floor around me.
I've got some scattered pictures lying on my bedroom floor. Reminds me of the times we shared. Makes me wish that you were here. Now it seems I've forgotten my purpose in this life. All the songs have been erased. Guess I've learned from my mistakes.
This is how Mike found me a few hours later. Crying with pictures scattered all around me. I hadn’t noticed that he had been calling until I felt a hand on my arm. I jumped startled looking up. I looked at Mike with what I knew had to be red puffy eyes and unkempt hair. Hell I was still in my pajamas.
“Bill? What’s wrong?” He asked me. I didn’t know what to say to my best friend. So I just looked at my hands and brought them up to my face and rubbed. I sighed when Mike spoke again.
“Man Bill, you look like shit! I was suspicious when you didn’t answer my phone calls. I thought you might be spending quality time with Adie but when you missed practice I got worried. What’s going on, that’s not like you.” Mike moved some of the pictures over to sit next to me. I forgot practice! Shit! Oh well I don’t care today. I looked at Mike with tears present in my eyes once again.
“Adie left me, Mike! She took Jake and Joey. She left me. I don’t know….I just don’t know.” I trailed off looking away from Mike when his eyes when wide in disbelief.
“She….she left you? When? How? Why?” He threw all the questions at me one after another. I just sat a minute to collect my thoughts.
Open the past and present. Now and we are there. Story to tell and I am listening. Open the past and present. And the future too. It's all I've got and I'm giving it up to you.
I finally had the courage to look back up at Mike and tell him.
“Last night, she left last night or well she told me last night that she wanted a divorce when we got into an argument. She actually left this morning while I was asleep. She left without saying good-bye. I didn’t get to say good-bye to my boys. She just packed them up and left. I thought it was all a bad dream until I woke up to dead silence. All she left me was this photo album and a fucking note, a fucking note, Mike.” I picked up the photo album and showed him, “I obviously didn’t like the order they were in.” pointing to all the scattered pictures on the floor.
Mike chuckled at my sarcastic humor before taking the album out of my hands and sitting it on the floor next to him. He looked at me before speaking.
“Have you ate?” He asked looking at me concerned. I shook my head.
“No, I’ve been doing this!” I motioned to myself and my current surrounding. Now I understood what Tre and Mike went through when they got divorced. Mike took my hand and pulled me up off the floor.
“Come on. I’ll make you some breakfast. You need to eat.” He said as he pushed me out of the room. I had a feeling he was going to make me eat whether I wanted to or not.
Loose ends tied in knots. Leaving a lump down in my throat. Gagging on a souvenir. Lodged to fill another year. Drag it on and on until my skin is ripped to shreds. Leaving myself wide open. Living out a sacrifice.
I was sitting in the kitchen at the table while Mike cooked when Tre burst into the house full of energy. I groaned inwardly putting my head on the back of the chair staring at the ceiling, just what I needed an overly happy Tre. Just fucking great. I barely glanced at Tre when he came into the kitchen.
“Whoa! Who died?” Tre asked when he saw me, with a huge grin on his face. I just glared at him and returned to my previous position. I completely missed Mike doing hand movements telling Tre to knock it off. Tre didn’t seem to understand, he just kept pestering me until he got on my last nerve, which I didn’t have much of anyway.
“KNOCK IT THE FUCK OFF TRE! YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT’S BOTHERING ME HUH? ADRIENNE LEFT ME THIS MORNING OKAY! PUT THAT IN YOUR PIPE AND FUCKING SMOKE IT!” After that I stormed out of the kitchen leaving a shocked Tre and an upset Mike. I went straight up to my writing room and slammed the door. I didn’t hear the guys talking downstairs.
Open the past and present. Now and we are there. Story to tell and I am listening. Open the past and present. And the future too. It's all I've got and I'm giving it up to you.
If you got no one and I've got no place to go, would it be alright? Could it be alright?
“Nice going Tre! I just had him calmed down enough to make him eat and you had to open your mouth.” Mike said turning back to the food on the stove he was cooking.
“Dude, I didn’t know! Adie really left him?” Tre asked as he sat in the spot that I had just vacated.
“That’s just it Tre you don’t know. You know how sensitive Billie is especially first thing in the morning. You need to learn to think before you open your mouth to talk.” Mike replied turning off the stove and leaving Tre by himself while he went to search for me. “TOUCH THAT FOOD TRE AND YOUR ASS IS GRASS! THAT’S FOR BILL NOT YOU.” Mike yelled. His only answer was a squeal from Tre as he fell out of his chair.
I could hear footsteps coming up the stairs and walk down the hall toward my bedroom. I head them stop at the door and turn back around and finally stop in front of my creative room, that I was currently in. I heard the knock and almost didn’t answer but knowing Mike he wouldn’t go away until I answered. I sighed before walking to the door and opening it.
“Bill, your foods ready downstairs and Tre didn’t know about Adie. So don’t be mad at him.” Mike pleaded. He always did hate confrontation within the band. I shook my head in agreement and followed him back downstairs.
I've got some scattered pictures lying on my bedroom floor. Reminds me of the times we shared. Makes me wish that you were here. Now it seems I've forgotten my purpose in this life. All the songs have been erased. Guess I've learned from my mistakes.
When I re-entered the kitchen I was attacked by a child like man named Tre. He was hugging me fiercely begging me to forgive him for his comment.
“I’m so sorry Billie! I didn’t know!” He just hugged me tighter instead of saying more.
“It’s okay Tre. Just let me go. I know you didn’t know I’m just over emotional.” I said picking up the plate of food and sat at the table and began eating.
We sat in silence for awhile before Tre spoke again. Mike gave him a warning glare. “Hey, Mike don’t look at me like that. I just have a question.” I looked between the two and raised my eyebrows. “Yeah?” I asked.
“What about the concert Friday in St. Louis, Missouri. We fly out there tonight don’t we?” Mike and I looked at each other.
I forgot about the concert during the whole mess with Adie. Mike looked at me before answering, “We could cancel.”
I shook my head immediately, “NO! We play. Maybe it will help take my mind off of all this shit.” Both guys agreed.
So the next night we would be in St. Louis performing. OH! GOODY!
Open the past and present. Now and we are there. Story to tell and I am listening. Open the past and present. And the future too. It's all I've got and I'm giving it up to you.
It's all I've got and I'm giving it up to you.
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